Day 17: 3/10/2016
Bare with me, as the noise in my brain vomits on this page.......
Life, and the universe, don't owe you a thing, no matter how hard you work. Life isn't fair, no matter how much you desire it to be. That one person that you look at, that seems to have it made, doesn't. Equality doesn't exist in the way we imagine it in our brains. No matter what, life will never measure up to our imagination.
So what do we do? Give up? Drink? Take it out on someone else? Walk around angry?
I've done all of those things. I've been in that place, where there really isn't anywhere to go, but up.
Lifestyle changes when it comes to health, seem to be pretty cut and dry. Eat better, exercise..... and presto, healthy!!! Yeah, like the old lady in that insurance commercial says "That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works!"
It's been a rough week this week, no doubt. Not only in just the normal day to day, but in my brain. You would think that seeing some success on the scale only makes it easier, but it doesn't. I struggle with feeling like I can't keep the momentum going. I feel alone in my struggles, sometimes. I have a hard time with admitting that I am not as disciplined as I want to be. I feel all those feelings like guilt, shame, embarrassment, failure, inadequacy. I even struggle with that feeling that I'm not attractive to my spouse, anymore. Those are all things that in the moment I feel them, I feel like I'm the only one. As I write this, I realize, that after seeing that I have over 1050 views on this blog since day one, from all of you who read it..... I'm not the only one. I think the keystone to having a connection with someone as a person, is to relate to them in some way. Maybe all of you who read this, see your struggles in mine.
I have to accept that I'm not going to win everyday. I can only take comfort in knowing that I get another chance at it tomorrow. Change is hard. The introverted fat man in me wants to handle it in my own way, with fatty comfort foods and my comfy couch with my Batman blankie.
Back at it again tomorrow.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.