In Your Head

Day 29: 3/22/2016

No, not that "The Cranberries" song.... However, their lyrics kind of work for my life right now.

Everyone's journey in life is something that we can all learn from. I've had the pleasure of hearing many amazing life stories. The online "fitness groups" that I've joined on Facebook have been awesome. I didn't think that I would learn much from others, but the truth is, I see that people struggle with the same things that I do. I see that there ARE other people that get depressed about not being able to eat what they want, when they want to eat it.

Today, I've been completely consumed by my own thoughts about life. I've said before that I'm in therapy. Today, I met with my therapist and he laid some knowledge on me (like he always does). I told him that I'm very saddened about not being able to get my tattoo that I wanted. Thinking that he was going to say "it's just a tattoo, it's going to be ok", he said "are you allowing yourself to be sad? or are trying to avoid it? You know damn well that if you avoid it, it's going to come back 10x stronger. So feel it! Swim in it. Let it be a moment, and not an event" (yeah, I have a good therapist)

One of my biggest downfalls for myself is not owning a feeling. I attempt to mask it with something else. Most of my life, that has been food. Yes, there were times when I masked it with drugs and alcohol, but for the most part, food has been my crutch.

In this new journey to understand what it means to be healthy, I need to allow myself to feel the feels. If I'm sad, upset, happy, excited, or frustrated, I need to own it, and move towards what I want.

What I want is to be the best version of me. I want to be someone that others can look up to. I want to be a superhero. Maybe not in the "Billionaire, playboy, philanthropist" sort of way......... wait... that sounds amazing, nevermind, yes, exactly like Iron Man.