Day 10: 3/3/2016
Today was a bit of a continuation of yesterday. I only felt disdain for the fact that I can't indulge my every impulse that comes into my brain. However, there was some silver lining in the day. I met with my therapist, who just has a way of putting things in perspective. Not only does he share his wisdom, he does the thing that very few people are able to do with me, and that is get me out of my own way.
My lovely wife, who I haven't mentioned much in these posts (not on purpose, I'm just self-absorbed that way) spent some time voicing my complaints to him (because I've done nothing but complain to her). He looked at me and said "Sounds like we've got an acceptance problem". What he meant, is that in any situation that we're presented, we must learn to accept what our feelings are. That doesn't mean that the feeling dictates what we do in response.
One of the things we identified is that I don't do anything half-assed. No matter what I do, I take it on at full speed. If I'm going to be happy, I'm ecstatic. If I'm going to be angry, I'll be fuming angry. The point is, I decided to take on a healthy lifestyle, therefore, I'm going to go at it 183%. I will be militant on diet. I WILL lose weight. The problem with that, is that when I don't meet a goal, or don't measure up to my own expectations, I become angry, and filled with embarrassment and shame.
So here's what I learned. I need to give myself a break. I'm not going to be perfect. The entire goal is about lifestyle change. I can't make shame and embarrassment a lifestyle. So tonight, I enjoyed a Chik-Fil-A sandwich with my beautiful wife. No shame.... No embarrassment.
Tomorrow's a new day. I get a chance at progressing.